Breology

Patience

2011-05-04T17:01:00.002-05:00

It is so hard for me to be patient. Patience is definitely something I struggle with in every area. But money is a key area that I have the hardest time with. We are working on paying off our debt and are really headed in the right direction, but UGH!! I set my budgets with expectations of everything extra going to debt, but honestly its just not practical. Dentists, cartags, and other expenses that don't happen monthly aren't budgeted in each month. So when they pop up I have to remove money from my pay off debt fund. Its not awful, logically I know that. But I can feel my stress level being all over the place. I don't want to wait another month to pay a little more. I want to complete our goals so I can work on others.

30 Facts About Me

2010-12-24T07:28:00.005-06:00

Nikki did this and I thought I would follow suit... what you are supposed to do is tag 30 different people and then write 30 facts about yourself.

It doesn't matter what you put as long as they are all facts.

1. I use to secretly watch Power Rangers and Barney when I was in 5th and 6th grade.

2. When my water broke with Katie I reallly wanted to get a Jamba Juice before going to the hospital, and I am still kinda bitter they weren't open yet.

3. I dream in cartoons, less than I use to, but still do some.

4. I have buyers remorse before I buy almost everything, usually I'm fine after I buy it.

5. I am allergic to cough syrup; If I take it I end up coughing and coughing and coughing

6. I have a tendency to talk too much.

7. I use to want to make and sell milk that tasted like cereal.

8. It takes me a long time to get ready a lot of the time...not for any reason besides the fact that I zone out a lot.

9. I loved the velvetine rabbit when i was a kid, and even had a stuffed animal.

10. I have poor time management.

11. I feel half good at most things.

12. I have eczema on my head and it itches a lot

13. I like bobbing for apples

14. I do feel blessed to have such good friends and family.

15. Once I climbed on top of my high school and walked around a bunch of the buildings roofs.

16. I have dealt with depression to the point of needing medication 3 times in my life, glad its been a long time.

17. I am nervous and self conscious with large bursts of boldness.

18. I almost cannot resist the mention of cheese fries.

19. I really like fairies and mythical stuff, I find the unique beautiful.

20. I actually enjoy budgeting money, its just hard to stick to it perfectly.

21. I find coming up with 30 things to be extremely difficult.

22. I like to wear skirts, they are very comfortable.

23. When I stress my stomach hurts.

24. I taught myself how to draw eyes, by tracing mine in the mirror with lip liner.

25. I wish I could live in the water.

26. Worries a lot about being good enough.

27. I wanted rollerblades really bad, after I got them i left them outside. Either a mouse lived in one, or I found a massive spider web in one..I can't remember. But it grossed me out so much i decided I didnt wanna rollerblade again.

28. Loves quilts.

29. Missing my Grandma MeMaw, I have a lot of good memories of her.

30. My pinky fingers get cold easily.

Whoa that took a long time... I am tagging everyone who reads this!! I know who you are ... :)

My Big Girl

2010-12-14T12:14:00.002-06:00

Katie will be two years old in a little over a week. All those people who say..oh it goes so fast... they are right. When you are an adult you are the same for a long time, but every week for a child is the last time they will be that young- every moment they are changing and becoming who they will be when they grow up. I also feel shocked sometimes when I realize she is turning 2 and not 3 or 4. She is so smart, creative, sweet and loving. She remembers so many peoples names, tries to make sure to tell everyone goodbye and give them hugs when she leaves them. She knows how to play hide and seek and I don't even know where that came from. Electronics and shapes and colors are not too challenging for her. She also makes thoughtful decisions, if you ask her a general question "what do you want for dinner?" she will go "umm... pizza" or "umm... noodles" or "umm ..cereal.french fries..." the list goes on, but to me its amazing that she will answer a question in that manner instead of me having to juts give her two options.

Maybe its just because I am her mom, but she blows my mind. I am proud to be her mom and can't wait to see all of her potential blossom with every growing moment.

A couple stories I don't want to forget...

This last week I got out of the shower and couldn't find her. I walked around the house and found her in my closet- SURROUNDED in her, not yet wrapped, Christmas presents. She looked up and me and squealed "PRINCESS!". At least I know she will like it all. I guess theres quite a few years of finding presents ahead of us.. might as well start early. She also has decided to like Santa Clause. At first she only liked figures and dolls of him, and the man himself freaked her out. We went in line after brunch and she told me she wanted to go back to her chair and buckle it. But after pictures... Santa gave her a present with a pen and paper and candy in it. By the time we left she wanted to go wave and tell him BYE!

blankblog

2010-12-13T20:52:00.002-06:00

Sometimes i feel blah.

Sometimes blogging is a great way to express blahness and get over it.

Sometimes i have nothing inside my head to say.

Memories

2010-12-09T01:30:00.002-06:00

I've been thinking about blogging some stories and memories from my past. Not really sure what way this will go, but hey..might as well give it a try. I have so many bits and pieces and hate to lose them.

I remember learning to tie shoelaces. I remember trying and failing horribly. I am stubborn..very.very. stubborn, and I remember being angered by my short ballet shoelaces being untied and my total inability to fix them constantly coming undone. I sat at the end of the staircase..that was carpeted in pink carpet with blue carpet ribbons coming down the sides ( I loved that carpet); I repeatedly tried to make the bunny go through the loop. Then... finally.. I did it! Well, at least to my standards- the laces were wayyy short and only one loop stayed, but it was kinda tied which was WAY better than I had been previously be able to do. After getting those tiny laces correct, I was able to do tennis shoes easy peasy. It was a proud moment in my life, I think I was 3.

I don't know how old I was, but I remember sitting on the curb with a frisbee filling it with mud and poking at worms with a stick. Pretending to eat my mud pie and cutting it into pieces with the stick to serve to people. I remember that poofy pink dress I was wearing while doing this.

I remember thinking I hated shopping. But I absolutely loved and still love dress shopping. I use to go with my mom probably my whole life. We use to go to Foley's and pick out dresses- church dresses, fancy dresses, pants suits...lots of them. And just try them on and model them and pick out what we loved. It didn't matter if we'd never wear it, that i was 10 and never going to need a cocktail dress, it was fun, it was girl time, its kinda like being in a different world. Playing with all these things that aren't yours and then you hang them back up and go back on your way. And sometimes you even get to keep one. Once we went to a bridal and fancy dress store, I found this black and green and purple cocktail dress that was just soooo cute. They had the pretttiest wedding dresses and I remember KNOWING that was wear I would buy my wedding dress when I got married. I also knew I would use my mom's old dress which is what I actually did. I spent, no my mom spent, tooo much money on my prom dress. It was and still is beautiful, it cost like 300 dollars and I never have felt prettier. I didn't have a date and when I got my brothers best friend to go I still drove and paid for dinner and I never got to dance at my prom, but I'll never forget that I had the best dress ever.

White Chocolate Cake.. of Doom

2010-08-27T00:35:00.014-05:00

I bought a chocolate cake book that I saw at Williams Sonoma; it has some amazing cake recipes, but honestly I bought it for this cake. This is the most epic cake I have ever made, it didn't have the most decoration but it had the most time effort and love put into it. The taste of the cake batter, and the icing were big moments for me. hehe. I was also feeling photo friendly, so I hope you enjoy.

The cake was the heaviest thing you'll ever pick up. It had 2 pints of whipped cream, 14 ounces

of white chocolate plus the shavings on top, orange zest,

strawberries, happiness. It was a very dense cake kind of like a shortcake, and the icing what white chocolate whipped cream with a bit of orange zest.

Let me say this.. I love buttercream and I normally dislike whipped cream icings on cakes cause they aren't sweet enough. This topped all buttercreams, I could eat this icing on anything. I am grateful to my friend David for loving white chocolate too much and having a birthday and a great excuse to bake this..and eat it. I am glad I bought the book. It is called Chocolate Cakes: 50 Great Cakes for Every Occasion by Elinor Kilvans.

And for the final product!

sometimes the wheels keep turning and you have to stop and unload

2010-08-11T21:57:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I just wish I could do more, be more, mess up less. I have quite a bit of a problem with time management and forgetfulness. I am always doing something no matter how insignificant. I get involved in lots of things I get scattered and stressed. I itch my head and my belly hurts. I don't keep up with friends or family how I or they would like. I suppose a lot of people feel the way I do.. I want to be a better mother, a better friend, a better wife, a better daughter sister cook employee. Some of it I just try my hardest and thats all i can do. Sometimes i know I am just not trying hard enough. I know this is kinda random and all over, just needed to word vomit a little.

I am sorry to those I love for forgetting things i am suppose to do, being late too often, not having my shoulder and ear close enough to you. I never want to hurt anyone

Julie

2010-07-13T00:54:00.004-05:00

For some reason I have enjoyed making Julies bday cakes the most. They are never stressful, just fun and a little silly. They may not be my most EPIC cakes, but I hope she still liked them. 2009 and 2010.

Cakes

2010-07-13T00:03:00.010-05:00

I can't remember what cakes I have shared on here and which I haven't, but I will just randomly choose I guess. I really enjoy baking. I like being creative and I like my creativity going to something not permanent. I don't feel as stressed about perfection..even though I do get stressed. Plus you get to EAT IT!

Lets start with the grossest tasting cake I have ever made. IT was SUPER FUN! My friend Shala and I made a rainbow cake

This cake was for my mom's Bday, she LOVES roses on her cakes and lots of them. The stores will only allow 6-8 so I went nuts.

This next two are a birthday cake and smash cake I made for a friend, and actually the only cakes I've been commissioned to do.

This took a lot longer than expected, guess I'll post more later.

lonely days

2010-07-02T01:02:00.003-05:00

I am thinking about when I was younger and decided I needed to live on my own, before I ended up getting married and never experiencing it. I was excited and scared, I have great memories from it. I grew a lot. i learned what it was like to be alone. It was probably also the loneliest and hardest thing I ever went through for a time.

I am a people person most of the time. I surround myself in friendship and family, I need it. But sometimes you also need to learn how to survive on your own. I spent a lot of time in my apartment crying in the hallway laying on the floor. Desperately texting friends to see what they were up to, but never calling because i never wanted to sound like the desperate being I was.

I specifically remember about a 3 week period that I cried almost every night. When my friends left, when I couldn't find plans. Then one day.. I was ok. I didn't need to make plans. I enjoyed my independence, my lack of plans, the ability to just be.

I wouldn't be the same person without that learning period. This may all seem weird or rambly, but its kinda more of a remembrance journal entry kind of thing for me right now. Its been a long time since I was that alone 19 year old. Sometimes I find myself some time alone. An hour here or there. Sometimes I need it and it makes me happy. Sometimes I need it, but don't want it when I get it.

Let's Get Physical

2010-05-23T16:15:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I am the most enlightened when its just me and my thoughts and the lawnmower...

I couldn't help thinking today how much I enjoy sweating and expending energy. Sometimes its like pulling teeth to get me off the couch, it's just so easy to be lazy. My brain WANTS me to be lazy. Some things I really look forward to, some things I procrastinate doing, some things I don't enjoy until after I am finished..BUT when I am finished and I am sweaty and my muscles ache and I am out of breathe I thrive!

I think that the more lazy I am the more I feel like I am just dying. If I put effort into life my body feels better, my mind clearer and my emotions more stable. So the question is Why does my brain fight it? I wanted to write down what I was thinking, so that when I am feeling lazy I remember that I like being active. Its kinda like being depressed, when you are depressed you feel like you have always felt that way and its not until you are pulled out of it that you realize that you use to feel normal and energized and happy.

I am going to try to do something active that makes me sweat every day. It's good for my body, my heart, my mind and my soul.

Dancing

2010-04-18T11:45:00.002-05:00

My girly loves dancing! Normally she prefers jazz, but

she enjoyed Lady Gaga and how fast it was!

Happy Easter

2010-04-03T22:12:00.002-06:00

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter! I am! I am so grateful to be surrounded by such loving families and friends.

Mid-night ramblings

2010-02-24T00:25:00.003-06:00

Sometimes, well most of the time I feel inadequate. I want to write about my life, my passions and all kinds of interesting thoughts. Then I think about what I want to write about and I draw a blank. I worry about being shallow and that I really should be delving in more interesting subjects than just everyday life.

And well maybe some of that is true. There are a lot of subjects I find interesting, but are put on the "I'd like to.." list because of laziness, busy lifestyle or more likely bad time management. So I don't read the books on theology or even the fantasy and sci-fi books that I would love to do. I forget some of the things that I valued when I was younger. I don't investigate enough into long lost friends that I think about, but never get around to calling. I sit and listen to dead silence to my loving husband who just isn't good at chit-chat or yammer on about who knows what to one of my girlfriends. Its kind of a depressing thought, but I am also happy in the easiness of just completing what I have to and just enjoying the presence of my family and friends.

Maybe I have nothing else to talk about besides how little miss sunshine waves and yells "Hi" to dogs barking, or that she blows bubbles on my tummy if I lay in the floor with her. At this point in my life I am totally good with being absorbed in the happy places of motherhood. I always plan to be here and enjoy that, and I will also find some time and passion for other things again too.

I don't blog for assurance (I really am happy), sometimes the best therapy for feeling down is to express it and with insecurity its easier to confess it to a blank page or screen than a friendly ear.

New Years Resolutions

2010-01-09T21:26:00.002-06:00

I have never been a big New Years resolution person; just a general I wanna lose weight this year kind of thing. But this year I decided to make two.

I want to weight 200lbs.

I CANNOT wrap my brain around losing 75lbs, I can't even visualize what I would look like at 165. I have never been close. When I say it, it feels like a lie.

So... instead I want a goal that I KNOW I can accomplish and I can see myself being. Its been probably 7 years since I was like 190. But I was there once. I know I felt decent and I could buy clothing without too much frustration.

I did lose all my pregnancy weight (WOO go ME!) and made it to 230lbs. Well over Christmas somehow I ended up at 239. I have an amazing husband who is willing to go along with me to lose weight. Together we did the Master Cleanse where you drink this lemonade concoction only and we did it for 7 days. AND I finished I didn't quit early even though I wanted to. I lost down to 224.

Today was the breaking the fast and we ate orange juice and soup and salad. I weighed on the Wii Fit tonight and weight 229. So that is my new starting point.

29 pounds

I can totally do this

Tomorrow TOGETHER we start the South Beach Diet phase 1. Which is basically lean meats, veggies(excluding potatoes and starchy stuff), lowfat dairy, eggs and good fats and oils like nuts and olive oil. After 2 weeks we will go to phase two and add back whole grains and fruits. But not unhealthy ones like White bread, cake, regular pasta (whole wheat instead). Basically the goal is to keep from eating foods that raise your blood sugar quickly. SUGAR has been a huge issue in my diet, so a low glycemic diet seems a great plan. Plus we did it for a few weeks last summer and I lost some of the baby weight that way.

All of this leads to New Years Resolution #2 and this is a new one for me. I want to run ONE Mile. Sounds easy and stupid, but I have never done it. I have run/walked a mile but I want to run the whole way. Its not easy for me and when spring hits I start training for it. I have a couple obstacles 1. Its HARD to run when your belly bangs around...working on that one. 2. I can't breathe when I run. In high school I had an inhaler for those walk/run miles because my throat closes up. I feel like some of this is training. I am bad about holding my breath and not breathing correctly- I can do it during yoga but whoa while running.. I may never be able to run a marathon with this "exercise induced asthma" but seriously I should be able to make it a mile.

Well thats it. Please ask me questions like how am I doing, how much have I lost, have I started running? Its easy to be laxed when I am not being held accountable.

One Year

2009-12-23T01:19:00.008-06:00

I never seem to find the time to blog. I will find it again, I think it might be lost behind the couch. There is a lot of things to say. First of all, I love being a mom. I love my sweet baby girl. She is a joy to my life and I can't stop thinking about how grateful I am to have her. Her birthday is this week and the celebration has been fun and sobering. Its true what everyone says..it goes to fast.. you blink and she'll be all grown up. The first year has been amazing. Here are some pictures from her Birthday party, hopefully I'll have more from her Actual Birthday.

ok and I have to say I made those curtains and the cakes...

4months and 7 months

2009-07-29T09:12:00.003-05:00

I couldn't play either of these videos, but blogger made them work!

Vegetables?!

2009-07-15T10:42:00.004-05:00

I did something I have never remember doing before.. Ate ONLY vegetables for dinner! I just had to share, because it was pretty. It would have been really low calorie except for the olive I made the eggplant in. Oh well it was yummy!

Eggplant Parmesan over Spaghetti Squash with tomatoes, mushrooms, and spinach!

A Good Day

2009-07-03T16:58:00.003-05:00

I finally pulled the Wii Fit out today. Since I was on it last....45 days ago, I have lost 10lbs. Woot! I did 35 minutes of exercises; mostly yoga and some aerobics. I also did some crunches.

It feels good! I ate out for lunch, but thats OK I should still be able to make my goal for calories for the day. I have not been faithfully writing what I eat...which means I have been eating worse. So its time to start over.

My DH (dear husband) is going out of town for THREE WEEKS in July. This makes us both a little sad and both a little happy. He likes training and the mall right next to his hotel, but is going to miss his family. I am going to miss him terribly and miss the help with Katey, but its very motivating to me! I want to get the house all in order and eat well and lose weight while he is gone! It would be so awesome to lose even 5-6lbs and be that much smaller when he comes home. Not to mention that much closer to my current goal.

With him gone, I will have more time at night after baby bedtime to exercise.

Wish me Luck!

Oh and also we bought webcams so DH and littlebit can see and talk to each other.

Goodbye 240!

2009-06-22T20:04:00.002-05:00

It has been a while since I blogged about weight and dieting. Not that it hasn't been on my mind..I wish, but I have been pregnant and post pregnant and now it is time!

I might as well be truthful. I gained over 50lbs while pregnant and ended up weighing about 280. It was really hard on me emotionally. That is so close to 300lbs and that make me want to cry. I couldn't even find maternity clothes without A LOT of effort. I would have gained even more if I finished those last 4 weeks of pregnancy. I lost about 25lbs within a few weeks of having Little Miss. I was too big to wear pants that buttoned still and so I started doing the South Beach Diet. After 3-4 days on phase one while nursing I was starving for carbs and decided to go to phase 2. That lasted about two weeks. I got down to 245ish.

And thats where I have been for about three months. That is about 2 lbs more than my biggest weight ever - prepregnancy. Now not only is this way off the charts of obese, but I want more kids. If I got pregnant this heavy..Dear Lord... So its time drop this weight and feel better!

Counting Calories is the only thing that really works for me. I know too much about nutrition to do anything crazy, plus I am still breastfeeding. I want to lose a lb or 2 a week so that it stays off. Well GUESS WHAT! Its working! I am eating a bit more than 2,000 calories a day. I am at 235lbs. ( I have to average, because I can fluctuate 8lbs in a day..)

My Ultimate Goal is to get down to a size 12. I have been a size 14 or higher since.. I dunno 7th grade. But sometimes looking at something so far away can make you unmotivated to get there. So my goal is to weigh 210 by the end of the year. That is less than I weighed when I met my husband. So its a REALLY motivating goal.

Wish me LUCK!

2009-06-19T15:32:00.002-05:00

AH I forgot to post my cupcakes that I made. My friend bought me a book called Hello Cupcake!for my birthday. There are so many I want to make. This was my first attempt. They are owls.

God did not punish you

2009-06-10T15:52:00.005-05:00

It bothers me that there is a significant amount of people who believe God causes tragedies in our lives. It is NOT the truth!

John 10:10 ¹⁰ The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly!

God is a good God and he wants us to have a happy and successful life. He does not cause the awful things in our life, nor does he "allow them to happen to teach us". Thats total bullshit. So the question develops... Why do bad things happen to good people?

God created us with a choice to trust him and live in a good world, or we can know of good and evil, blessing and calamity. We all know what in our human nature chose.

We now not only make our own bad decisions which cause bad consequences. We also have Satan who attempts trick and manipulate us and the people we come across on a daily basis. His daily goal is to destroy our life and our love toward God. It is his trickery that convinces people that God did it.

God has also given us authority on this Earth. He CREATED this world and universe with his words. Then he created us in his image and told us to speak to our mountains. He gave us Angels to protect us and follow what we say. BUT we limit not only ourselves but our Angels' protection. We say things like " Oh I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time" or "If somethings out there I'll catch it and get sick". So our angels listen to our words and instead of prompting us to avoid somewhere, or stopping the car that about to hit you.. they wait. They don't understand why we want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but we told them thats what we wanted.

Tragedy's are caused by not listening to the promptings of Holy Spirit and by the theif/ the destroyer, the murderer- Satan.

We chose to live in a world that contains good and evil, so God cannot keep all the Evil out..we let it in.God is a good God and loves us very much! Which is why every time a tragedy happens, it is through him that we can find our way. God has plan A for us. Then something awful happens. God gives us plan B instead. It was not his plan for you fall but he will pick you up again every time! Through him we can overcome any obstacle.

Saturn Cake for my Uncle

2009-06-04T21:52:00.000-05:00

How do I love thee..

2009-05-26T21:55:00.004-05:00

I can't help it. More than anything else I love little tokens and expressions of love. In this particular case it has to do with a gift. But actions are just as strong if not stronger gifts of love.
My husband doesn't like holidays, celebrations and birthdays; well its not that he doesn't like them, but I think he doesn't like the boundaries put on him. Such as.. you need to buy this person a present, be here on this day at this time and so forth. Once he gets there or if he buys the present he actually enjoys the celebration itself. Knowing that its easy for him to "pass over" buying a gift for me for a holiday, I told him that my first Mother's Day is important to me and flowers or a card or something would be really nice. Maybe its bad to mention it, but I would rather say something than have my feelings hurt.
But..He doesn't like the flowers/card thing so instead he buys me a present. Something I've really been wanting and decided it cost too much- so he gets me an even more expensive set; not because its expensive, but because it fits me more than the others I was looking at.
I was thrilled, he gave it too me all shy like he does. First, he gave me paper card written in sharpie. And it meant more to me than any Hallmark. then pointed in the other room at my brand new colorful set of mixing bowls!

I told him that I didn't need anything for my birthday, no biggie this year the Mother's day present was plenty! Well this is the point I was getting to. He CANNOT buy a present and wait until the particular day to give it to me. As much as he tries, he can't do it and I just LOVE that about him.
So.. a couple days ago he gets all figitty and tells me he can't wait any longer. I'm like "what?!?". So he gives me my Birthday present, which I totally wasn't expecting, a cute little matching set of measuring cups! Heehehee I love them so much they are so cute and colorful. And I love his little impatient dance and that he gave them to me early!

Final Week of Wilton Cake Decorating Class 1

2009-05-20T20:14:00.007-05:00

After lots of dropping roses and smashing things..including the side of my cake.. I finally finished my cake. Here is a picture of the classes' cakes. Nikki's is the white and pink and purple one, mine is the chocolate. It was a lot of fun I would like to take the next class, but I want to take a break for a bit first.

Yogurt causes mixed emotions

2009-05-19T19:32:00.002-05:00

We tried cereal before and its not her favorite lets just say that lol. So tonight I decided lets start eating solids once a day and I gave her plain yogurt. She actually liked it most the time, but it caused some interesting expressions.

Cake #2

2009-05-13T21:36:00.003-05:00

Cakes and Fitness

2009-05-09T20:04:00.003-05:00

Whats on my mind??? Working out and sweets.. go figure eh?
First of all I am taking a cake decorating class with my sister-in-law. It's a lot of fun and just fuels my desire to own a bakery (dunno if I've mentioned that on here) and at the same time it makes me not want to right now. I don't really have the time to spend on it at the moment.

I keep thinking about it at night when the day is over and I am laying in bed trying my hardest to go to sleep. I think I might like to have a specialty bakery for diabetics, people with food allergies, and the rest of us who would love to indulge in sweet wonderfulness but would rather not have the calories, hydrogenated everything, and bleached processed ingredients. It just sounds like a wonderful idea. But as ideas go, there are many steps before any sort of reality in this. I have NO recipies for such things LOL! Soo right now I'm going to keep the idea in my head and start figuring out how to make sweets and treats in a healthy way. One step at a time right?

So making massive amounts of icing and scooping up the crisco I can't help but think...wow I really want to treat my body better than this. Which is why the healthy bakery idea started..not to mention the many people I know who can't have the junk... But it also makes me think about my choices of food and exercise. Right after Katey was born, when I didn't have to work..and before I was cleared to..., I went to the gym a few times and although I couldn't do much it felt great. Then Zack went back to work..and so did I and well things have gotten to the point that I haven't even taken a walk in a while. And well, I really really miss it. But at the same time I struggle with finding the motivation to do it. I really don't like leaving my SugarBunny and with work and occasional babysitters to have a date with my husband, and once a week for a couple hours for the cake class... I just feel to awful to leave her again to go to the gym. I feel like I don't have enough time with her as it is, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

My priorities are imbalanced and I feel it. So this is my first step.. putting it out there and hopefully I will work out a solution or God will find one for me.. no scratch that.. how about I will let myself trust that God has the perfect path and the strength to find and follow it.

Quantum Faith

2009-05-09T19:51:00.001-05:00

Where does the time go...

2009-04-16T21:39:00.003-05:00

Katelyn is almost 4 months old and today has discovered how to roll from her back to her belly. But she doesn't particularly like being on her belly so instead she has chosen to roll her buns over but continue to lay on her arm on her side.. and bam she fell asleep.
... I can't blame her, I'd rather sleep on my side too.
So it the precious moments of her sleep I thought it was long overdue to blog. I have a lot to say I mean its been 3 months..So I may not finish, I may ramble on forever, or I may break this into a few blogs.

First and Foremost.. motherhood..
I have taken care of children since I was a child myself. From the age of 7-17 my family took in over sixty foster children 95% of them under a year old, many we picked up from the hospital just a day or 2 old. (I would love to write some about this ..note to self) I can do diapers, spit up, bottles, crying, carrying in any form or fashion. I loved those babies cared for them, a few are my siblings now, many I miss and remember often. But I was not prepared for motherhood.
Nothing could prepare my soul for the complete and udder love I have for MY child. The amazing feeling and shock of looking at her and knowing half of her came from me, and half from my husband. I can't believe how fast she is growing, but I also feel like she has been with me forever; how could I live my life before her?
Love and happiness is not the only thing I was unprepared for. Nursing was another. I was worried about nursing before; comfort level mostly. I wanted to do it but it seemed weird to put a child "there". The moment I saw her that fear was over. But a whole new one developed. I had supply issues and still she has a formula bottle here and there. Talk about inadequacy issues...The first 2 months of her life I was constantly stressed out and emotional about the amount of liquid coming from my breasts. She has gained well and is healthy though.
My marriage has changed too. I am grateful that we had the time we did before having children. I miss our quality time we use to have. I feel like, no scratch that, I know I don't have enough time for him, much less the house or cat or job. He is a wonderful father. I am blessed to see his love for her, her grins and giggles just to get his attention, and so very grateful for all his help with her, the house, and my emotional stability. I honestly am amazed by his strength and thank God for him everyday.
I am happy to be a mother of such a wonderful baby... I always knew I wanted to be a mommy when I grew up...

This would definetly be too long to write about any other subject so I will try to find some more time to write again soon.

My 1st Pregnancy

2008-12-30T21:09:00.004-06:00

Birth Story

2008-12-30T20:42:00.003-06:00

I wanted to have this in writing so I don't forget any details. Here is the birth story of my daughter. She was born at 36 weeks.

At 5am on the 24th I was kinda starting to wake up to take a pee break when I started to go, I tried to hold it and I couldn't and I immediately realized it was not urine. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I leaked a lot of fluid and continued to. I hollared at my husband and we just kinda stared at each other in shock. I called my mom and told her and she told me to go to the hospital, I told her I would call the dr. so I called and paged the emergency number. I didn't think I was having contractions but when I thought about it I was getting slight gas pains for 30 seconds 5 min apart. I decided I wanted to take a shower and shave my legs. And I couldn't find one damn list with instructions on what to pack. An on call Dr called back and said if my water broke I should go to the hospital immediately. I really wasn't sure if I should wait or not, because I didn't want to go too early. We stopped and DH ran in a place to get us some food. We didn't get to the hospital until 7 even though its 5 minutes away. We had the hardest time functioning I have never felt in such a stupor..

The L&D called my Dr and he wanted them to put me on pitocin because she was 4 weeks early and my water broke they didn't want her sitting in there if something was wrong. The contractions went from slight gas pains..to strong gas pains, to a muscle cramp/ period cramp pain that got stronger and stronger. ( I'm going to kinda sum up this part, but if anyone has specific questions i'm more than happy to ask. ) Zack and my mom were in the room with me, I needed them there to get me through it and I am comfortable enough to say what I am feeling to them without feeling bad about it. I didn't want anyone else to come up to the hospital until after the baby was born, because I needed that time to meet and bond with her. At 3cm I decided to get the Stadol, it didn't not make the pain any better but it made it hard for me to continued with the scattered all over the place thoughts and so I just had to close my eyes and focus on breathing, which was a huge help! It also helped me relax a lot apparently because I progressed within that hour from a 7. I did not want to get the epidural and i am really happy I didn't. I was able to change positions, and feel and get up easily afterwards. I delivered her at 12:48pm, when they let me push I pushed her completely out in one push. It was a weird feeling I could feel everything like her head and shoulders, and I could tell I tore(not too badly I'm told) but I didn't feel pain from it. The last hour was AWFUL, but I am lucky it was so short.

She was born 5lbs 15oz and 19 3/4 inches long. She came out SCREAMING and got an 8 and then 9 on her apgar. For being early she is perfect, because she is small we have to make sure she stays warm enough, but that is it! They kept us in the hospital for 48 hours just because she was early. I was glad to be there, it was really nice and the nurses were wonderful. (a few days later.. we are having to keep an eye on her Jaundice that has gotten pretty high, but it came down a little from yesterday)

So without further adeiu....

Katelyn Oriana

I love her more than anything :)

23 weeks Pregnant

2008-09-24T16:08:00.004-05:00

Today I am 23 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I found out about 3 weeks ago that we are having a girl! I am really excited and the reality of actually having a baby started settling in after we found out the gender and got to see her on the ultrasound. I can't help but to obsess over cute little dresses and sweaters. I am not popping out too terribly much, but they say you don't your first pregnancy because all your stomach muscles have never seperated before. Its hard to believe that we are only 17 weeks away from the due date! Here is a picture from a few days ago.

I am making a bit of a goofy face but meh oh well. My world is kinda revolving around being pregnant and getting things ready for the baby. Including trying to habitually clean our house so that it is the way we want it 90% of the time instead of, well lets be honest, 10% of the time. Its much easier to relax and enjoy being home when it is clean and comfortable, but it has taken me some time to find a system that doesn't make me feel overwhelmed. I've had a pretty good pregnancy so far, the morning sickness tapered off at about 14-15 weeks and I soon thereafter started enjoying eating again I have gained like 14lbs I think. I went to visit my dad and whole side of the family in California a few weeks ago. I really enjoyed it! I have missed them a lot. well... im on the phone so i guess the blog is over for now...

Hello my name is BreAnne and there is a baby in my belly...

2008-06-30T09:46:00.002-05:00

It seem's like its about time I posted about whats going on in our lives... I am pregnant! I am almost 11 weeks along. The baby's due date is January 21st, 09. I am extremely excited about it, but you may not be able to tell looking at me. It is not easy to be jumping for joy when you are soooo very tired. I have had some morning sickness, been very tired, and for the first time in my life not wanted to eat anything. Hopefully, in a week or two I will start feeling better, I don't know if they sleepiness goes away, but I hope so because I don't really want to nap through the rest of the year! I have no clue when I will start showing, but I cannot wear my pants that button up without leaving them unbuttoned and unzipped when I sit down, which is probably a little awkward outside of my house.... I am the first kid on my side of the family to have a baby, and Zach is the last in his, funny huh?! I will have to post pictures as things get farther along; and to answer the most popular question of all so far- we are planning to find out the sex, but it wont happen until about the end of August.

lemmings

2008-02-20T09:24:00.002-06:00

Do you remember the game lemmings? with the little tiny elf-like people walking walking and you have to build bridges and such to keep them from falling off cliffs, but no matter what they keep going. I visualize the inside of my brain like this. Its going going going and im working or figuring things out and getting things done without losing too many thoughts or forgetting to do stuff.
Let's see.. First of all, I have still been keeping up with my competition of losing weight with my friends. It's been a little slower going some weeks, but none of us have completely dropped out of it. I seem to do really well a few days of the week and only okay the rest; however the days im doing ok are still OK because I'm not doing as badly on one day as I was doing on a regular basis. Tonight is another weigh in, if i lose 2lbs I will have lost 20lbs total! Thats a big deal, the first 10 didn't seem very significant because I have fluctuated that much for a while now. Last night was the first time I really have felt smaller and bettter over all.
I have been very happy for a while now, its such a relief to feel my normal self. I have really battled with depression since my teens and I feel more like my happy self on a regular basis now. I love my husband, I love that I have to try to figure him out constantly. He can be so sneaky and loving and nerve pinching and deep and thoughtful all at the same time. He makes me feel very loved. I have made a new friend that I really like, and I also have been keeping in contact and spending time with friends more than I have previously. Mainly because I am in the mood to be social.
I feel interested again.
So if you need someone to talk to I am happy to hear about your day, or your epiphanies, or the core of what you are. I want to know. I'm also quite in the mood to talk if you want to ask me anything at all.

oh ya.. 18down 60 to go

The Biggest Loser

2008-01-17T20:44:00.000-06:00

I am in competition with my friends. We are doing our very own biggest loser competition. The competitive part makes it easier! who knew...
Every week we weigh in.. the person who loses the least amount of weight pays 5 bucks, the 2nd loser payss 2 dollars. the winner keeps her money. Its all going in a pot that the winner at the end gets, we are thinking after a year.
This is day one of week 3.
it sucks, im hungry all the time even when i shouldn't be. the working out part isn't too hard because my husband started going with me.
but im still motivated!
the first weigh in i won! with a loss of 8lbs! yesterday i lost while still losing 1lb. next week i want to have lose 5lbs, to get under a mark i haven't been under in a couple years.
I'm sure i will let you know how it goes... wish me luck..
in total i want to lose 78lbs... 69 to go

Bellagio Fountains

2008-01-03T13:58:00.000-06:00

Vegas

2007-12-31T10:51:00.000-06:00

I meant to do this earlier, but haven't had that motivation to write a big blog. We had a fantastic time in Las Vegas. So here is blog to tell about it.
We stayed a little out of town the first two nights and were both pretty cranky because we didn't like it when we got out there. We did ride the roller coaster and Buffalo Bills while we were there; now I will tell you it was fun, but its because its been a few weeks and i dont really remember the pain it made my neck feel or the anxiety I get hearing the "clank clank" sound and knowing there is a free fall when the noise stops. Rollercoasters and I have a love hate relationship. But that one made me not want to ride the Manhattan one at New York New York, I hope it didn't bother Zack too terribly bad that we didn't.

The first day we drove out to the Hoover damn. That was a really pretty drive. I love watching the mountains! It was really cool looking and interesting; I really enjoyed that day. This picture is to show how much water has been drained out of Lake Mead, that was amazing to see the water line like that. Its a little bit of a scary thought too. Zach was my own personal tour guide and I really enjoyed that day a lot. The weather the whole time we were there was about 50 degrees, but not much wind and sunny. (Everyone back at home had and ice storm, trees down, and no power. we were very lucky)

Once we got into Vegas we checked in at our hotel which was Hooters hotel and casino. We actually really enjoyed it, the rooms were new and clean and ours was located where is was easy to park and get into. The Hooter's girls were the dealers at the tables and the whole place was much more fun and relaxed than most the ones we visited. Of our whole trip I think most of our time was spent shopping. We went to outlet malls, regular malls, shops inside casinos and everywhere else. We did a lot of shopping when we went to Europe and it seemed normal to do on vacation. We bought a few things we really wanted and just looked the rest of the time. We went into like thirteen different casinos and they were huge and fascinating. My personal favorites were Caesar's Palace and the way the shops were designed at Paris. I will post a video from watching the water show at the Bellagio later too, because that was really neat!
We tasted different kinds of cokes from around the world and bought a bunch of stuff at the M&M store. We did gamble too! We played a few cheap slots, but mostly played Pai Gow Poker. You get 7 cards and have to make 2 hands one of 5 and one of 2. Both hands have to beat the dealer to win, BUT both have to lose to lose. Therefore we could play a long time on the same money. We ended up breaking about even on the gambling money which is better than I had planned on :)
We decided we wanted to see a show or two. The ones on the top of our list were not playing that week. But one thing I've always wanted to go to was a medieval show where you eat and watch a jousting show. So we went to the Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur and I am glad we did. We also went to Bodies the Exhibition. Which was displays of actual human parts that had been preserved with some kind of process that replaced tissue with some kind of silicon or something. It was fascinating and a bit nauseating at the same time to see the muscles and organs and things.
Well lets go from that to food ;) I read a review about a sandwich shop before we went and wanted to try it. Once we ate there we made the decision to continue doing so until we left. Its called Capriotti's and it was fantastic, we loved the grilled Italian sandwich that had each slice of meat grilled and sweet peppers and provolone and everything about it was great. Here's a link to their site http://www.capriottis.com/.
My dad and stepmom only live about four hours away and met us in Vegas the evening before we left to come home. We ate dinner at a really good restaurant in the Venetian. Then we went to the Bellagio to show them the Christmas display they had inside. Which is where we took this Christmas card picture! We went to our hotel and taught them how to play Pai Gow, stayed up late and then took them back to their hotel.
We left earlier in the morning so we decided not to sleep that night. We packed up dropped our car off and went to the airport. We were worried about getting home but only had a short delay in Denver. Our power that had been out at home since the day after we flew to Vegas was turned back on the night before we got home. It was a perfect time to be on vacation. We were sad for our families, but glad everyone stayed safe. I think I probably enjoyed the whole vacation a little more than Zack but he was really glad to have taken me there, we had talked about it for a while. Anyways I'll try to remember to post that video on here later...theres my huge blog about my trip :)

Talking

2007-12-05T17:28:00.000-06:00

This is me just talking, rambling, whatever. My brain is tired of talking to itself.

First of all.. Zach is out of town and has been for a week and half. Its all very odd. I miss him just being here. Having the option to hug him or talk his ear off or poke at him.
At the same time, I have enjoyed my alone time. I hung out with my friends some, but I have told them no I don't wanna leave and I don't want company several times. Yeah yeah I've been playing WoW too, but Ive also just been sitting alone in my thoughts and listening to music, which really I don't do much anymore.

Work has been really busy, Christmas-time is always more busy than the rest of the year, but since I am not going to be here next week its much more hectic. I've got tables of orders that can't be filled until I finish my stuff. So I normally work 4 hours a day and this week I have been staying for 7. Its been good to get more hours and get stuff done, but being there in that moldy place sucks too. I was stressed earlier in the week, but I think I am going to be able to get things caught up enough so next week there won't be too many people waiting on orders. I got much of the website stuff I needed to get done finished already, the rest can wait until I get back.

My house and its contents are a giant barrier I would like to leap tonight or tomorrow. I need it to be clean, completely clean and done. I want to come home to a nice house when we get back from Vegas. And I want that feeling of accomplishment that comes when you do something completely alone. I have been having a dilemma about my Christmas tree. Its not up yet. I want it up, I love Christmas-time and decorating; however, I want Zack to care and want to help me do it, which means.. either it won't get done or we will do it a couple days before Christmas. I'm not sure if I am motivated to do it by myself right now either.

As far as Vegas goes- I'm excited and anxious at the same time. I'm believing for no delays on Zack's flight home and our flights there and back. I don't know what all we are doing and I don't know if I am bringing the right amount of money, but there is nothing I can do about that since neither of us get paid again til the day we come home.

Really there is a lot of emotions and things I would like to express, but I don't actually want to or know how to share. I think maybe I need to pull out my sketch book. I have a hard time conveying what I mean in words when the topic gets philosophical, leans toward inner conflict, or just when I have incoherent ideas.

If you were motivated to read this far, thanks for letting my mind breathe a little; whether I said anything useful or not I feel better getting to talk, or type.

Tagged

2007-11-02T11:29:00.000-06:00

Inga tagged me, and since today is her birthday it seemed appropriate to respond :)

7 Random things about me:

1. Feet freak me out, I don't like other's too close to me

2. I have a hard time keeping up with everyone I care about

3. One summer when I was young i wore this neon colored sleeveless cotton dress with ruffles and built in shorts everyday until my mom threw it out

4. I have never broken anything or had to go to the emergency room (except for other people)

5. One of my passions is food, i love it, i havent figured out how to balance it yet though

6. I really enjoy the idea of fantasy worlds and things you can lose yourself in- like books, loud music, video games, movies,tv shows, and a really good imagination

7. I have a hard time not crying over things I cannot control, whether it be in my own life or empathy for someone elses problems

September 18th

2007-09-18T09:37:00.000-05:00

I feel happy :)
can you guess why?
today is our 2nd anniversary! its funny it feels like we've been together for a long time but its funny to think we have been married for 2 whole years. I still don't feel old enough to be married.
It is interesting how our perception of age as a child changes every year we age. I remember thinking I would get married at 18 and how mature I thought seniors in high school were. But when I turned 18 that was a horrifying thought because I was SOO young! Even at 21 I still felt a bit too young. But married life really came easily.
I'm awesome at kind of rambling on and throwing comma's and spaces and page breaks in.
Whatever lol
We are going to go to dinner tonight to The Cheesecake Factory, which we have both been wanting since we went there in Chicago. We don't really have much else planned. I am just happy to have my husband and that I get to keep him forever.
I wish I had some cool poem or something epic to say but really I just have a big grin on my face
I feel giggly and I love my silly husband!

on another note I wish to be supergirl for halloween

Vacation!

2007-08-28T23:48:00.000-05:00

We have talked about going to Vegas for a while; Zack use to live there and I have never been and there is so much he wants to show me. We want to go before we start having babies, because then it may be put off for a very very long time. So we finally planned it. It's hard a little bit to spend the money that could be used for more practical things, but after we bought our plane tickets I stopped worrying about it. I tend to have buyers remorse before I do things instead of after. We are going to go in December for a week! We are already planning where to go and what to do. I am the one who has traveled a lot in the past, and its really nice to have Zack being the one to know what to do and where to go. Its all new and exciting to me!
And now 2 major things we wanted to do before having kids (buying a house and going on vacation alone one last time) are being checked off the list.. dun dun dun

Joy in the small things

2007-08-16T08:06:00.000-05:00

weemee

2007-08-09T20:00:00.001-05:00

8 raNdOm ThinGs

2007-08-08T13:46:00.000-05:00

My sister's in law did this and theirs made me laugh so I have to do it too :D

In high school starting with 9th grade I was at least 1 minute late everyday to my first hour. By the time I hit senior year my teachers tried everything. I had to sit in the hall for 20 minutes, do 10 pushups for every minute late, detention, and finally intervention. I still can't seem to make it to anything at 8am. 7am I can do, or anytime after 8:30.
I get cravings for salt and vinegar chips and chocolate milk at the same time.
I can sing actual songs with words and all with my mouth closed, but cannot hum whatsoever, I sound completely tone deaf.
Apparently when I am excited about something I am talking about I wobble my head. Zack is the only person who has ever noticed without me telling them.
My favorite color is green, next is pink and brown together, but a lot of the time when I choose something it is a bright blue.
I am 5'9" and the shortest in my family.
I play an massive mutliplayer online role-playing game on a regular basis.
I can do a back-bend and stand back up easily no matter how heavy I am.

I could make a list that is much longer than this but I better not.

marriage meme

2007-08-04T23:16:00.000-05:00

Merry Weather tagged her readers to play along with the marriage meme. So without further ado, here are eight facts about our marriage:

1. We have been married for almost 2 years.

2. He proposed to me on our trip to Europe, in Hohenschwangau, Germany. We were next to a crystal clear lake made from melted snow underneath Neuschwanstein castle (which is what Cinderella's castle was made to look like). We had hot cocoa at sunrise and started to walk back and he asked,"So, you still want to be in a relationship for 3 years before getting married?" (i had told him previously that i planned this)

3. He is almost 5 years older than me, and I am quite happy with it.

4. Shortly after we married we got a pet :) Her name is Lucy she is a grey cat.

5. We just bought our first house together this year.

6. We rarely ever fight, in fact I don't remember one. Instead he tickles me until I get completely overwhelmed and chase after him, he laughs at my frustrations and in turn just makes me giggle.

7. We were together a year and half before our wedding.

8. We are both the baby of our families and it seems to have worked out quite well.

happy

2007-08-03T09:34:00.000-05:00

This is the Simpsons version of me. Today is my 23rd and 2 month birthday!
I am really happy its summer, even if it is sopping wet with humidity. I feel very back to normal and happy again. Im not really sure how long I haven't felt this way but its nice to be myself again. What comes with this is my desire to be social and silly and just play. Which in turn means I have not been so very productive at work. Nor have I done too much of my last couple weeks of homework. But hopefully I will get it all done before my last class on Monday.
I have been working on losing weight for a while now. And well, its not been the easiest thing for me to do. I lose weight on slim-fast, but I get bored after a while and just quit. Really giving up after 2-3 weeks has really been my problem for the last year. I totally crap out and just eat tons, go out to eat all the time and stop thinking about it. Then BAM! I gained the weight back I worked so hard to lose and maybe a little more. I don't have a problem telling people my weight, because well you can see what I look like.. does it really change your opinion of me if you know my exact weight? Maybe if I wore loose clothes all the time but I dont. So... anyways: Last year at this time I lost some weight down to 230. Then last December? my mom and I weighed and measured and I was up to 244. Oh boy was I excited... When I started Slim-fast again I was 241 and lost to 236. Then crapped out again. I tried Alli but I have trouble remembering to take pills at the right time. Now I am down to 232.5. But this time is different. I have slowly changed some of my habits. Im becoming a little more active, eating just a little bit less for dinner, trying to eat quite a bit less for lunch, and begun eating more fruit and veggies. These arent dramatic changes at all, but adding them together has made me have more energy and lose just a few pounds. And now I am actually WANTING to do active things. I rode my bike 5 miles 2 days ago. And I was exhausted, but I LOVED the way I felt when I was done. Especially since my hobbies mostly include going out to eat where I feel horrible for hours afterwards. Im sure the activity and vitamins Im getting from eating fruits and vegetables is a big cause for the improvement of my mood. Its nice to feel myself again and have motivation..even if it is just motivation to play!

quiz

2007-07-29T19:11:00.000-05:00

I had trouble with this, there was things I chose 2 answers on. So I took it twice and I think both of these have bits that show a part of me..

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance.

On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others.

You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative.

Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you.

Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter.

You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything.

You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships.

Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.

Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.

You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.

Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings.

You have great vision and can be very insightful.

In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.

Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.

You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

wasting time and enjoying it :)

2007-07-26T09:47:00.000-05:00

We'll I am at work and of course I should not be on my blog on the computer, but I feel quite talkative and needed to chat a little and since the only person who works at the same office to me is a 66 year old guy; I thought blogging might let me get a bit more out. I am in a really good mood today; which if you spoke to me yesterday you might be surprised of this. Zach had mowed the yard after he got off work yesterday by the time I got home and then we watched a movie together. It was a REALLY nice surprise and a nice evening. My kitchen is a complete disaster and I keep picturing how bad it looks in my mind, but other than that everything is going ok. My brother got married over the weekend in California, as did my 16 year old step sister in Oklahoma. I went to my brother's wedding to Erin and it was probably the best wedding I've ever been to. I mean my wedding was perfect for me, but this was like the reception from Father of the Bride. It was a lot of fun. The trip was exhausting though and I gained five pounds eating out with good food all weekend. But I lost it already going back to eating a little less than normal. I can feel myself starting to ramble...dun dun dun.. We'll I guess I can always post something else later if I think of it. Hope everyone is having a nice July!

The Moaning Meme

2007-07-25T18:56:00.000-05:00

I was tagged a while ago but im just now getting around to this:

I've been tagged! Oooh a meme! I've been tagged by Merry Weatherwith a meme originating from The Freelance Cynic and this one's about my groanings.

Affectionately called: The Moaning Meme

4 things that should go into room 101 and be removed from the face of the earth.
-Gorey movies: they freak me out
-Mosquitoes: I stole this answer but im allergic and really hate them because they love me
-Long lines: they make me a nervous wreck, whether it be standing in line or traffic
-Homework: no matter how old I get I will always hate homework, I can't focus in my home where Im suppose to eat, sleep, relax, spend time with my family, etc.. I would much rather do it all in a classroom setting.

3 things people do that make you want to shake them violently.
-Spend money on junk BEFORE paying their bills.
-Not finishing even one topic in a conversation that consisted of 20.
-Ride peoples bumper, especially at night.

2 things you find yourself moaning about.
-My house being dirty and my inability to completely finish it before its destroyed again.
-Work, school, running errands

1 thing the above answers tell you about yourself.
-I'm lazy, but I already knew this

RULES:
Link to the original meme at freelancecynic.com so people know what it's all about!
Be as honest as possible, This is about letting people get to know the real you!
Try not to insult anyone - unless they really deserve it or are very, very ugly!

Post these rules at the end of every meme!

Today I'm tagging:

hmm.. I want to tag bobbi so i will have to convince her to make a blogspot.

Blogging: beliefs and 5 paragraph essays

2007-06-22T14:48:00.000-05:00

I started taking some classes for different Internet "stuff". And in the main one I am taking they had the description of what a blog was and it got me thinking. A blog according to this book is an online collection of ideas and opinions of person. Well my blogs are more a diary: a collection of my comments and stories of my life and complaints and frustrations. And not that its a bad thing to post stories and describe events, I thought maybe it would be nice to post something with my ideas, opinions, and beliefs. Doing so actually feels a lot more personal than expressing my day to day life, these are some of my thoughts that I may or may not express in person.
Warning: I ramble a lot, sometimes I talk to much, please don't take offense to anything I say; I never mean to offend anyone but have come to realize sometimes the longer I keep my mouth open the more feelings get hurt.

Even though I have a lot more responsibilities and duties at the age I am, I believe the teenage years are the hardest possible years of someones life. Youth is the first time in life that one really looks hard into themself and asks, "Who Am I?". What an extremely difficult question. "What is my soul, spirit, beliefs, faith, values, and what things to I really enjoy and want to do with my life?". The only time not spent on finding oneself is the endless school nights spent on five paragraph essays.

I went though a lot of inner turmoil for several years. I believed myself to have great faith in God, I went to church and religious events an unusual portion of my time and church camp every year. Not just any camp: a camp that I listened to teachings during the day and cried out to God after very emotional worship and preaching services at night. I was not the only one. My brother and my youth group were my closest friends and all went through this together(we all fell hard together also). I prayed consistently for God to tell me what to do with my life, but although I do believe God has spoken to me throughout my life, I do not believe the answers I got were God-given but self created. Every time I asked I got a different answer and it was usually what I had been thinking about doing at that time. Seven years later I am still at a loss for what I really want for a career; however, I still want what I wanted when I was four years old on vacation sitting in a hotel room with my mom. She told me how when I grow up I can be anything I want to be in the whole world, and after many explanations that I could be a firewomen or doctor or preacher I still only wanted one thing. I angrily told her again "I just want to be a mommy!". And still, more than any career, I want to be a mother. I am not desperate to be pregnant, but I am at peace to wait to really find my career until I have had the joy of having my children.

"What about your faith?" you may wonder. Well this subject really does mean a lot to me, but is hard for me to express to others. I find myself open minded, not necessarily on what I believe, but I feel like I need to understand what others believe and why in order to really understand my own beliefs. I believe in God and the Trinity, and that Jesus is the son of God and died for our failings so we might be able to be in communication with God like man once had. I believe the Holy Spirit is the way we are able to as our comforter and communicator and many other things. I believe in speaking in tongues and have been able to since I was five, when I prayed to accept the holy spirit and speaking in tongues, sitting in the floor of our blue van. I personally have understood speaking in tongues to be for two things: 1. God speaking through us to those we would not otherwise be able to speak to and 2. for us to be able to pray for someone and speak to God when we have fear in our heart and do not no why. Such as, I have been impressed strongly in my spirit to pray for someone I have not spoken to in a long time; I didn't have a clue what was wrong in their life and had nothing to say in English to pray for them for, so instead I would pray in tongues and let the holy spirit speak through me on the behalf of someone who needed prayer. No I don't understand completely how the trinity works and I don't believe we weren't meant to yet. I think a lot of things about God are way over our heads, and I'm fine with that, I mean why should WE understand GOD!?! Now as far as church itself goes I think its a good thing, I think its purpose is fellowship with others who believe what we believe and support in our faith. However, I haven't found a church home yet where I feel comfortable and right now I am not really in the mood to look. So I have shortcomings..oh well. OH oh ya, I am the granddaughter of a faith teacher and I do believe your words have a major impact on your life and what God is able to do with your life. I try to be careful what I say, but sometimes I cuss like a sailor too. I also don't have a problem with the big bang theory, why? because I know the one part that they scientists need to complete it. What started it? God's words. If our words can move mountains, think of what God's can do. Sometimes I am afraid to speak of my beliefs in God, but it is because I am not an expert these are my opinions beliefs and thoughts, I have ideas what heaven is, but really I have no clue about any of it and I like it that way.

I went through years and years of trying to find myself as a teenager. What did I find? That's the best part: I don't know. My career I accepted that I will discover later. My beliefs in God I happily take as my own. I still have to reinvent myself every few years. Life is constantly changing and you have to change with it. All of life cannot be deep thoughts into your beliefs and values. Most of the time you live day to day enjoying the company of family and friends, and forcing yourself to go to work and do laundry. Sometimes it makes me feel shallow not dwelling in the depths of my mind and writing poetry or painting dreadful paintings. But I can't help it; I like bright colors, cartoons, and giggling with friends over absolutely nothing. I also deal with depression on and off, where I would much rather be alone and cry and dwell in my unjustified misery. I hate being overweight yet much of my thoughts are wasted on food. This is who I am and I will continue changing and staying the same as my life goes on. Everything in my past has created who I am now, including my English teachers who gave me the ability to write a blog.

It's Raining its Pouring...

2007-06-22T14:37:00.000-05:00

Here is my story for the day:

I left work a little early because I didn't have much to do; I wanted to eat lunch with someone so I drove to my friend Jessie's house. We went and got wraps at a little cafe she likes on Main street.We both needed to mow our yards because its been raining so much they have just grown too tall. So we decided to go together and get gas for our mowers. After that I went back to her house to get her mower started because she just got it. I accidentally filled the oil to high and all over the place, so I had to pour some of it out into a little bucket. Then we adjusted the blades and such; this was all actually quite entertaining, but I guess you would have to know both of us or just be there. Then I headed home. As soon as I pulled into my house which was only a mile away...it started raining. To say the least I was pissed off. My yard looks bad and I really needed to mow it. So angrily I got the gas can out of my trunk and took it to the backyard to put in the shed. In the meantime the rain picks up..it starts POURING! By the time I walk back to the front of the house my anger is gone and Im histarically laughing and drenched from scrunci to flip flops. I kinda wish it would have rained for longer than the five minutes so I could have just stayed and played in it since I was already wet.

Birthday!

2007-06-06T16:20:00.000-05:00

My birthday was Sunday and it was good. We got up and just played WoW on the computer and we went to Waffle House to eat brunch. I wanted something better but I didnt want to go very far away. We went to Lasertag at 3:30 where Megan, Shauna, Justin, Julie, and Kersten were meeting us to play. But after a few minutes Julie called crying cause they got in a hit and run. So we went to where they were at to check on them. Julie was bruised up mostly from the seatbelt and Justin banged his knee up, but nothing that they needed the ambulance for, thank goodness. We stayed there for a while until they could go and I got in Megans car and they got in our car. Zack took them back to Justin's apartment to rest and I went to Lasertag where Kersten was waiting. Us 4 played a game and had a lot of fun, i got 5th out of like 30. Then Zack was almost back so we waited for him to play our 2nd game. The guy who explained that one was REALLY annoying and Zack was about done, but we finally got in and had fun. I got 6th that time out of 15ish. I think everyone liked it. I didnt like that punk lil kid chasing me but ya know.. After that we went to Ruby Tuesdays, which is like my favorite restaurant but was far away until they opened one here last week. It was me, Zach, Megan, Joey, Shauna, Justin, Julie, Caleb, and Kersten at dinner. It was good of course except they are new so the service wasnt quite up there yet, but im sure it will be after a couple months. After dinner zach and i went and played monopoly with justin and julie. WHICh i WON!! whoo hoo! and then went home. It was overall a good birthday!

First Blog

2007-06-01T13:36:00.001-05:00

Well I am sorting colors and picking layouts, trying to get this thing to look slightly like I made it. Its almost my birthday and I am excited. I always look forward to my birthdays and always try to plan something fun. We are going to go play laser tag this year. I'm feeling pretty tired today, Im not sure why. I am really really glad its the weekend though. We are going rock climbng and out to eat tonight too.