sometimes the wheels keep turning and you have to stop and unload

Sometimes I just wish I could do more, be more, mess up less. I have quite a bit of a problem with time management and forgetfulness. I am always doing something no matter how insignificant. I get involved in lots of things I get scattered and stressed. I itch my head and my belly hurts. I don't keep up with friends or family how I or they would like. I suppose a lot of people feel the way I do.. I want to be a better mother, a better friend, a better wife, a better daughter sister cook employee. Some of it I just try my hardest and thats all i can do. Sometimes i know I am just not trying hard enough. I know this is kinda random and all over, just needed to word vomit a little.

I am sorry to those I love for forgetting things i am suppose to do, being late too often, not having my shoulder and ear close enough to you. I never want to hurt anyone

Julie

For some reason I have enjoyed making Julies bday cakes the most. They are never stressful, just fun and a little silly. They may not be my most EPIC cakes, but I hope she still liked them. 2009 and 2010.

Cakes

I can't remember what cakes I have shared on here and which I haven't, but I will just randomly choose I guess. I really enjoy baking. I like being creative and I like my creativity going to something not permanent. I don't feel as stressed about perfection..even though I do get stressed. Plus you get to EAT IT!

Lets start with the grossest tasting cake I have ever made. IT was SUPER FUN! My friend Shala and I made a rainbow cake

This cake was for my mom's Bday, she LOVES roses on her cakes and lots of them. The stores will only allow 6-8 so I went nuts.

This next two are a birthday cake and smash cake I made for a friend, and actually the only cakes I've been commissioned to do.

This took a lot longer than expected, guess I'll post more later.

lonely days

I am thinking about when I was younger and decided I needed to live on my own, before I ended up getting married and never experiencing it. I was excited and scared, I have great memories from it. I grew a lot. i learned what it was like to be alone. It was probably also the loneliest and hardest thing I ever went through for a time.

I am a people person most of the time. I surround myself in friendship and family, I need it. But sometimes you also need to learn how to survive on your own. I spent a lot of time in my apartment crying in the hallway laying on the floor. Desperately texting friends to see what they were up to, but never calling because i never wanted to sound like the desperate being I was.

I specifically remember about a 3 week period that I cried almost every night. When my friends left, when I couldn't find plans. Then one day.. I was ok. I didn't need to make plans. I enjoyed my independence, my lack of plans, the ability to just be.

I wouldn't be the same person without that learning period. This may all seem weird or rambly, but its kinda more of a remembrance journal entry kind of thing for me right now. Its been a long time since I was that alone 19 year old. Sometimes I find myself some time alone. An hour here or there. Sometimes I need it and it makes me happy. Sometimes I need it, but don't want it when I get it.

Let's Get Physical

Sometimes I am the most enlightened when its just me and my thoughts and the lawnmower...

I couldn't help thinking today how much I enjoy sweating and expending energy. Sometimes its like pulling teeth to get me off the couch, it's just so easy to be lazy. My brain WANTS me to be lazy. Some things I really look forward to, some things I procrastinate doing, some things I don't enjoy until after I am finished..BUT when I am finished and I am sweaty and my muscles ache and I am out of breathe I thrive!

I think that the more lazy I am the more I feel like I am just dying. If I put effort into life my body feels better, my mind clearer and my emotions more stable. So the question is Why does my brain fight it? I wanted to write down what I was thinking, so that when I am feeling lazy I remember that I like being active. Its kinda like being depressed, when you are depressed you feel like you have always felt that way and its not until you are pulled out of it that you realize that you use to feel normal and energized and happy.

I am going to try to do something active that makes me sweat every day. It's good for my body, my heart, my mind and my soul.

Dancing

My girly loves dancing! Normally she prefers jazz, but

she enjoyed Lady Gaga and how fast it was!

Happy Easter

I hope everyone has a Happy Easter! I am! I am so grateful to be surrounded by such loving families and friends.